HumanKind

By Travis Price

USER: Turner Witnall
Average Rating: (2.9/5)

Professional (3)     Personal (34)     Family (0)

Elise Granger                                                             2 Stars
(Verified User)

Dec. 17

Turner broke up with me last week. We had dated for ~6 months. Out of the blue he says that he thinks we’re not compatible. I asked him, well, do you like me? And he just says, it doesn’t really matter, he likes a lot of people, but if we’re not compatible then “we” don’t make sense.

I tried to pin him down, just to understand. Why weren’t we compatible? Was it something that we could work on? He wouldn’t give a straight answer.

I’m not stupid or naïve. If we had been dating for a month or two, fine. But after 6 months, where we saw each other almost every other weekend? I mean, we still both work in the same building. We are going to cross paths and now it will be awkward. I feel like you owe someone at least an honest conversation at that point.

I’m not bitter. Turner has some good qualities, and that’s why I gave him two stars. But he’s emotionally unavailable and a poor communicator. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want those six months back.

Ladies: Avoid this one.

Hannah Buxton                                                         5 Stars
(Verified User)

Jan. 22

Oh my God this app is so funny! Turner was my first boyfriend back in 5th grade LOL. We were so shy that we never talked to each other. But I totally give him five stars. Hi Turner, if you’re reading this! Do you still like snakes? Did you ever go to the South Pole like you wanted to back in 5th grade? Ha!

Carlie Hemerel                                                          5 Stars
(Verified User)

Feb. 5

I hope this is the right person. In the past this would have been a Craigslist Missed Connection, but the girl you were with let your name slip and I did a little research. Don’t worry I’m not a stalker. But let’s be real…stalkers are only a problem if they’re not hot (Joke!). Anyway, you were riding the T and this girl…I think she was just your friend, would NOT STOP TALKING about her thesis or some internship and how miserable it was…everyone in the car was listening against their will and wishing that she would shut up. You were only kind of paying attention, and when we made eye contact, you half-smiled at me in a completely unembarrassed way, so that your friend wouldn’t see. We kept looking at each other for the next three stops.  

Do you remember? I was wearing a green top with a little diamond keyhole under my neck. I have straight black hair down to my shoulders. There aren’t a lot of Turners out there, and you were wearing your BC sweatshirt, so I did a quick google search. I forgot about it for a while, but then I found HumanKind and you popped up. If this is you, PM me. Let’s see what happens.

Mike Hock                                                                 1 Star  
(This user has NOT been verified)

Feb. 9

Yous a bitch. Wish it would let me give 0 stars.

@Elise, don’t worry about this douche. Hit me up if you want a guy thats gonna take care of you, emotionally and in other ways. :)

Katie Doaks                                                              3 Stars  
(Verified User)

Mar. 12

I believe in this being a positive space and I also believe that people can grow and change, myself included. I’m also posting here for somewhat selfish reasons, I know that. This is partially about closure.

I met Turner in college. We went to B.C. In fact, @Carlie, I was the girl on the T with Turner when you were eavesdropping. And, actually, we were dating. But I guess that’s kind of the point with Turner. We were together for more than two years and yet in some ways it never felt like a real relationship.  

Being with Turner ultimately taught me something: The best part of a relationship is not the companionship or the laugher or the memories... The best part is feeling like you truly know a person. You know a person better than anyone else does. It doesn’t have to last forever, but it’s supposed to leave a lasting impression forever. With Turner it was like some bizarre inverse thing where the longer we dated, the more it felt like he was a stranger. I realized how much I didn’t know about him, and quite frankly I don’t think Turner knew himself, either. I hope I’m wrong, but I bet that hasn’t changed.

We met through a mutual friend. Our first date was the movie Inception. He kissed me during this important moment of exposition and I’ll be damned if I can tell you what the rest of that movie was about. Dreams of some kind and endless montages of snowmobilers getting shot. We left the theater and spent the rest of the night talking. At the beginning it was beautiful.

Then I learned Turner was kind of conservative, or at least traditional in some of his views. I tried not to be disappointed. I wanted to be open-minded. I kind of liked that we didn’t agree on things. But he had these weird ideas about what was “natural.”

“I just think the creation of life is something beyond human comprehension,” he said to me once. “Existence is handed down or it isn’t.” He used this same logic to argue that people shouldn’t try to get pregnant if it didn’t happen naturally. Like no invitro, no artificial insemination, no drug therapy, nothing. I was like, what?! Does this “philosophy” apply to abortion? And he just goes, like it’s so obvious, “Yeah, I don’t understand how anyone justifies that. Ever.”

I was able to ignore most of this. My parents could tell it was serious and they asked to meet him. This was after about a year of dating.

My dad is a fire-breathing liberal and so I just told Turner he should avoid risky topics. My dad wasn’t going to beat acceptance out of him…he always tried to be kind to anyone I liked…but if Turner mentioned his views on certain things, the visit could get awkward.

It was over dinner that I started to realize I couldn’t understand how Turner’s mind worked. He usually just ignored something if he thought it was wrong. He would disagree but not engage…he hated political debates. He thought it was pointless to argue. But then, in the middle of dinner with my parents, he starts talking about how he could never be a stay-at-home dad, that it would damage his psyche. He said it was arbitrary that society had designated mothers for childrearing, but now that they had, those roles had come to define each gender and it was dangerous to try to reverse that. My mom, who did stay at home until I started school, tried desperately to change the subject, and my dad just sat there, nodding his head in a maniacal sort of way, like he wanted Turner to get more offensive and outrageous.

I was so blinded at the time. I thought he had just been nervous. I had to lie to my parents and say that we broke up, but I was loyal to Turner. I loved him.

He could be so sweet at times. For my birthday he made this little watercolor painting of a sunset over the reservoir and took me to the North Shore for a really nice weekend. When I think back on the relationship, I try to remember the good times. But he was like a faucet. Sometimes on, but mostly off. And I never figured out why, never understood how he worked. 

Mia Cosmos                                                              5 Stars  
(This user has NOT been verified)

Mar. 13

Katie Doaks                                                              (3 Stars)  
(Verified User)

Mar. 14 

In spite of my intentions, I was more negative in that last post than I wanted to be. I wish HumanKind would let you edit your posts.

There are a lot of great things about Turner that you should know if you are interested in dating him. My friends loved him. Girlfriends can be protective, but mine actually liked hanging out with us when we were together. In general, people like Turner. He’s not the kind of person you are ever worried about taking places. He makes conversation. He brings out the happy side of people.

Turner is not a jock or a meathead. It’s refreshing. He’s cultured. He doesn’t go on and on about football or video games. He likes history and science. He reads a lot. He likes seeing movies and listening to music. He knows about the world. He knows the capital of every country. Capital of Somalia? Mogadishu. I know that because of Turner.

It sucks that the end of a relationship always saps all of the good things out of it. A bad ending shouldn’t tarnish everything that came before, but I guess that’s how it is. I think Turner can be a great guy if maybe the person is the right fit for him. I just have no idea who that person is.

Don’t forget what I said in my earlier post. But also keep an open mind. People can change.

Elise Granger                                                             (2 Stars)  
(Verified User)

Mar. 16

No, girl, you had it right the first time. So much of what you said sounded exactly like my experience with Turner.  

What you said about Turner basically dismissing people he didn’t agree with? I finally figured out what that was, thanks to you! He is so smug! That’s his ego. He did that all the time! Instead of arguing, he would just shake his head and smile, like me or the other person was this little child who couldn’t understand anything.

It all makes sense now! Turner has the biggest ego. He just keeps it hidden. It’s the reason he’s so self-assured around everyone. And that world capitals thing? He still does that! He loves to mention it at parties because he knows people will try to stump him, and then he gets to show off his pointless knowledge and feel like hot shit.   

This is the brilliance of HumanKind, and what the critics don’t get. It helps us see these patterns! If this can save one other person from getting sucked into a relationship with Turner, it’s worth it. Here’s the truth: I don’t think Turner ever really liked me, and I hate to say it @Katie, but maybe he never really liked you either. The thing is he can’t. He can’t love anyone but himself. He’s just quiet about it so you don’t notice right away, or until someone else confirms it for you. God this makes me feel better. If I could I’d go down to one star. Total asshole. (Also, Turner? What a stupid fucking name.)

Liza Williams                                                             5 Stars  
(Verified User)

Mar. 17

Emanuel Elorza                                                         3 Stars  
(This user has NOT been verified.)

Mar. 28

Maybe this will open some peoples eyes! Turner studyed in Spain and enjoy to go to the discotecas with me. One night, after many Calimochos, he stayed at my house. He had shame later, but I need to out him for all of you. And for himself!

Matt Howard                                                             5 Stars  
(Verified User)

Apr. 4

Wow, you all are a bunch of haters. I don’t usually post on other guys HK pages, but with all this manhating I had to say something. Turner is the man. Turner is a fucking champ. I pretty much never give 5 stars as a rule, but Turner deserves every single one. I haven’t talked to him in a year or two, but back in college he and I use to chill and the dude is solid. Yeah maybe he keeps to himself sometimes, but so what? Some people are private and that’s that. Anyway, Turner, if you’re reading this, there are a ton of guys out here who have your back. Don’t let the bitches get you down. I’ll see you at the reunion, alright?   

Natalie Cheung                                                         3 Stars  
(Verified User)

Apr. 8

Okay so I never really went out with Turner…But I was reading this and I thought this might be interesting to people. Or it might just lead to more questions… Turner was my date for the sophomore semi in high school. I didn’t really know him, but my friend Olivia knew him from one of her classes. I didn’t have a date, so Olivia set us up. Little did I know what was in store for us…

It’s kind of embarrassing now, but we wanted to pregame the dance. Alcohol makes things less awkward right? We did shots in our friend’s Subaru for a while. We were like all dressed in our dance clothes, dresses and suits, and I sat on Turner’s lap because the car was crowded. We passed the bottle back and forth.

It wasn’t my first time, but I don’t think Turner had ever drinken before. A lot of people there hadn’t and they kept taking more because they didn’t think they were drunk, even though we told them not to.

So we’re standing in line to get into the gym and we’re all kind of nervous, wondering if we’re too obvious. The line starts to move us closer and we try to play it cool, laughing and smiling to show we’re totally normal. Mr. Richardson (the VP) used to work in a prison and he’s looking over the line like he just knows immediately, and we’re kind of falling apart. Someone says we should just forget the dance and bail, but Olivia thinks that will look suspicious. Olivia is the calm one and the leader. She thinks she has it totally together so she walks right up to Mr. Richardson and starts chatting with him…trying to show she’s unafraid or whatever. But she stumbles as she gets to him, and then she’s cheesing too much and the way he’s looking at her, we know she’s a goner. He frowns at her, and calls over the two cops, and they come over and start talking to her. We’re like, shit.

So Turner and I make a break for it when no one is looking. We go back toward the parking lot near the soccer field. I’m bummed for Olivia because I know how her dad will react, but Turner is like a total mess. He blames himself somehow for letting her get caught. He started punching the chain-link fence, and then he starts slapping and punching himself, and he’s like sobbing the entire time. I didn’t know what to do but I remember just being totally scared and overwhelmed. I tried to calm him down but I didn’t know him really and I didn’t know what to say.

We were never really close in high school after that, but he seemed like a good guy. He was kinda quiet but also independent. Not really popular or unpopular… somewhere in the middle.

Anita Wyderbox                                                         1 Star  
(This user has NOT been verified)

Apr. 16

I

Ben Dover                                                                 1 Star  
(This user has NOT been verified)

Apr. 16

Said

Seymore Johnson                                                               1 Star  
(This user has NOT been verified)

Apr. 16

That

Hugh G. Dick                                                             1 Star  
(This user has NOT been verified)

Apr. 16

yous

Jacque Strap                                                              1 Star  
(This user has NOT been verified)

Apr. 16

a

Bitch McBitch                                                            1 Star  
(This user has NOT been verified)

Apr. 16

Bitch. (U figure out who this is yet? LMFAO Bitch.)

Sasha Elwood                                                            4 Stars  
(Verified User)

Apr. 23

Yall are using this wrong. If your like me, you don’t care about all this relationship crap. He hurt my feelings. He didn’t ask me how my day was. Blah, blah, blah shoot me. For all my savvy ladies out there, your looking for a good time, once. That’s what HK is about. So I am here to share my experience a little while back with Mr. Turner Witnall.

First thing yall need to know. Turner is gorgeous. I don’t know how no one has mentioned this yet? I know I’m not the only one who cares about appearance? The guy is beautiful? He’s got this pouty mouth, bangs swept to the side, eyes that look into your soul. And one of those cute dimpled butt chins I’ve always been a sucker for. I’m not gonna compare him to Ryan Gosling but hes in the ballpark.

When we met, Turner had just been at the Ke$ha concert and he got me laughing about her performance and how cracked out she was. That’s a skill. Not many guys can pull that off, to be able to talk to a girl at the bar, and not come off as weird or creepy or aggressive. Turner is smooth.

He mentioned casually that his girlfriend was out of town. We went back to his place. Her stuff was scattered everywhere around the room. This only peeked my curiosity.

We “made love”. Fuck that, we fucked. Believe it or don’t, I have some modesty…I’m not gonna give yall the details, but let me just say, he was good. He had the equipment and he knew how to use it. I’d definitely recommend him if anyone is looking for a fun night out. So why only four stars, your wondering?

After sex, we were lying around, still mostly naked, talking lazily. Post-coital stuff, the usge. And he goes something like, “two colors in my head.” I thought I didn’t hear him correctly at first. He says it again. “There are two colors in my head.” Then he just looks all pleased with himself. I probably wasn’t going to spend the night anyway, but at that point it was like, check, please.

TL;DR: Hot guy, good sex, small chance he’s a psychopath.

Elise Granger                                                             (2 Stars)  
(Verified User)

Apr. 24

@Sasha, your family must be so proud of you! Look at you, a regular tour guide, blazing the trail for other skanks. Are you going to sleep around forever or do you think maybe one day you’ll want to be in a serious relationship where your partner actually respects you? At that point, maybe you’ll realize that the way a guy treats you outside of sex matters. And guess what? Your little story about Turner giving you some bullshit line and then not bothering to explain it to you? That’s exactly the sort of thing we’ve been talking about. Only with you it happened much sooner. Congrats! How quickly he wanted to be done with you!

Katie Doaks                                                              (3 Stars)  
(Verified User)

Apr. 25

@Sasha, are you real? Is your story true? Because if so, I’m the girlfriend. I’m the other woman. I was traveling the weekend of the Ke$ha concert. You knew Turner was dating someone and you still went through with it? In the apartment we shared? We had been dating for a year and a half then. A year and a half. That meant nothing to you.

I hope you’ll never have to feel this feeling.  Knowing that someone you loved was so uncaring.

Sasha Elwood                                                            (4 Stars)  
(Verified User)

Apr. 25

@Elise…have you seen your rating? Mmm, and have you seen mine? Did you see the one review that your face was like a horse and the other one that said you looked like a man? A male horse, huh? Your not even worth my time.

And @Katie, I thought you were ‘disappointed’ when you found out Turner was kind of conservative. And here you go, blaming the girl instead of the guy. Talk about old-fashioned. Stop putting your bullshit on me. I didn’t cheat on you, @Katie. Turner did. Take it up with him.

Hannah Buxton                                                         (5 Stars)  
(Verified User)

Apr. 26

Oh my god, I just heard. I can’t believe it. So sad. :(

Elise Granger                                                             (2 Stars)  
(Verified User)

Apr. 27

Katie Doaks                                                              (3 Stars)  
(Verified User)

Apr. 27

There are so many lurkers and bots on this site. Are any of you real? I don’t know what to think anymore…

Emanuel Elorza                                                         (3 Stars)  
(This user has NOT been verified.)

Apr. 27

True @Katie but not me!! I am very real!

Katie Doaks                                                              (3 Stars)  
(Verified User)

Apr. 28

I’m so sorry, Turner. I wish they would let you edit posts. I wish more than anything I could take back the things I said. I’m forever sorry.

Amira Rangell                                                           5 Stars  
(This user has NOT been verified)

Apr. 30

Turner was a wonderful person. Do not judge Turner based on what you read here. Nobody can be reduced to a number of stars. Turner is not 2.8 stars. Turner is one star: a complex, wonderful, and flawed human being. He deserves better than this. I wouldn’t be on this app if it wasn’t for what happened. But now I have to set the record straight.

I met Turner at one of my shows about a year and a half ago. He came up to me afterwards in the lobby and asked me about how I became a dancer. We talked for a while. Yes, as some have said, Turner was a charmer. Talking to people came easily to him. When you’re good at something that is difficult for others, it can come off as disinterested. I can do Kitri’s Grand Jeté from Don Quixote with my mind somewhere else entirely. It doesn’t mean I don’t love dancing. It doesn’t mean I don’t hope to be carried away each time I dance just like the first time. It also doesn’t mean that there is not some amount of disappointment in the law of diminishing returns, in the feeling that joy should never lessen, that dance and the world should always have something new to offer. Here’s the thing: Turner and I connected on a different level. It wasn’t a guy talking to a girl. It was two people. I suspect I knew him better than anyone else in his life—definitely better than anyone else on here.

What you need to know about the real Turner is that he was wise, caring, and fun to be around. We met each other at a time when we both needed a lifeline. We dated for a little, and then stopped when we realized it was hurting the friendship we had. We worked really hard on being there for each other. I have never been able to talk to someone the way I could talk to Turner, and I know he felt the same.

You know what people say about boiling frogs? How they don’t know to jump out of the pot? Turner once told me we were all the boiling frog. We were too embarrassed and self-conscious to even acknowledge or show our real feelings, and so we all just slowly die without putting up a fight. I realized this was true, how right Turner was. And so the next day I told my mom that I loved her, but I never wanted to see my step-father again, and if that meant not seeing her, that was something I had to do. My taking a stand gave her the courage to do so, too. She left him a few months later.

See, the thing is Turner understood the world around him and I gained so much from talking with him and spending time with him. He understood it almost too well. He understood it but he didn’t feel like he was a part of it.  

He told me that he always eventually grew bored of the people around him, even his closest friends, even his family. He hated himself for this. He once pulled away from me because he thought the same thing would happen with us, only I wouldn’t let him.

“People are like an allergy to me,” he once told me. “I’m like an allergy to myself.”

What posters here need to know is this: Sometimes when people are unkind it has nothing to do with you. I was able to bring out a side of Turner that maybe other people didn’t see. We used to go chat up random people we met in the streets of Boston. We went around a cul-du-sac one night and stole all the pumpkins, then left them in one person’s yard so they would look guilty of the theft. He introduced me to Radiohead and King Crimson, and I showed him Helen Jane Long and Billie Holiday. We went to shows. He made me teach him ballet steps.

No matter how much I asked, Turner would not see a psychologist. He did not believe in it. I will always carry this failure with me like an anchor. He and I had a deep connection, but I wasn’t able to help him more. I’m sorry, Turner. I love you.

Katie Doaks                                                              (3 Stars)  
(Verified User)

May 2

Turner, I hope you never saw the stuff on here. You were an amazing person. I’m so sorry I couldn’t have been there for you more.

Matt Howard                                                             (5 Stars)  
(Verified User)

May 6

Miss you man. You are in a better place now. 

Elise Granger                                                             (2 Stars)  
(Verified User)

May 8

This is very sad news. I’m very sorry for Turner’s death. I never, ever would have wished anything like that for him.

I also feel I have to defend myself. I think we should all be very skeptical of anyone who, right after Turner dies, claims to know all of his innermost secrets. @Amira, why do none of Turner’s friends I’ve talked to know who you are? If you two were so close? I wouldn’t put it past a lurker to try to deliver some phony heartfelt eulogy on HK for anyone who passes away.  

Look, I’m sorry Turner’s dead, but I think we still need to be honest about who he was. He’s not suddenly a saint. He was shitty to a lot of people. And maybe he was dealing with his own issues, but that’s not good enough for an excuse. I hope Turner finds peace and my thoughts are with his family. But I stand by my rating.

Amira Rangell                                                           (5 Stars)  
(This user has NOT been verified)

May 11

Let me be clear: If you are reading all of this, and you didn’t know Turner, you still do not know him. All these words (yes, even mine) are subjective, weak attempts to define a person. They do not count. Please know this.

If you did know Turner, there is likely a lot about him that you did not know. Remember that. And also, keep this in mind: Any parting words here are empty gestures. Say it somewhere else. Say it alone. Say it to Turner, with only yourself as witness. Mean it, and don’t think about the audience.

So all I’ll say is this: Everything in its right place.

Dick Rasch                                                                1 Star  
(This user has NOT been verified)

May 12

Lived a bitch, died a bitch!!!

Francis Guccione                                                       5 Stars  
(Verified User)

May 12

Travis Price is a recent MFA graduate of North Carolina State University, where he was twice named a finalist for the James Hurst Prize for Fiction. He was also named a finalist for the 2016 NCSU Prize for Short Fiction. 

© 2017